The Crossroads: From Career Dreams to Staying Home
Evelyn had always been driven.
✔ She worked part-time while finishing her master’s degree in women’s health.
✔ She planned to become a midwife—her dream career.
✔ She was passionate about her work and her future.
But then she had her first child.
"I thought I could balance it all—work, school, motherhood—but the reality was much harder than I expected."
For two years, she tried to juggle it all—daycare drop-offs, long hours, pumping at work, missing shifts due to illness. She was barely holding it together.
Her partner saw how much she was struggling and encouraged her to quit.
✔ He changed jobs to increase their income.
✔ She left her job and gave up her career plans.
✔ They moved closer to family for support.
Then, she had her second baby.
It should have been easier. But it wasn’t.
"I thought staying home full-time would be a relief—but in some ways, it was even harder."
The Challenges: When Motherhood Isn’t What You Expected
- The Emotional Toll of Being Away From Her Baby
"I hated leaving him at daycare. The separation was awful for both of us." - Juggling Work, School & Motherhood Felt Impossible
"I was exhausted all the time. I felt like I wasn’t giving enough to my job, my studies, or my baby." - Figuring Out How to Survive on One Income
"Leaving my job meant a huge financial shift. My partner had to switch jobs just to make it work." - The Guilt of Having a Choice That Others Don’t
"I know I’m lucky that staying home was even an option, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy." - An Identity Crisis After Leaving the Workforce
"I spent years studying and working toward something—now I feel like I have nothing of my own." - The Chronic Exhaustion of Full-Time Motherhood
"I thought quitting my job would make life simpler. Instead, I feel like a full-time servant in this house, a goblin hiding from the world."
What Worked (and What She’d Do Differently)
✔ Having a Supportive Partner & Family
"I’m grateful my husband was willing to shift jobs so I could stay home. Not everyone has that option."
✔ Therapy Helped Her Process the Change
"I needed someone to talk to, to help me make sense of why I was struggling when I thought this was what I wanted."
Would she do anything differently?
✔ Rethink Her Career Path Before Having Kids
"If I had known what motherhood would feel like, I wouldn’t have pursued my master’s. Maybe I wouldn’t have even done my nursing degree. I would have fully committed to homemaking from the start."
✔ Build a Stronger Support System Before Leaving Work
"I thought quitting would bring relief, but I didn’t realize how isolating it would be. I wish I had built a better community first."
What Would Have Been Helpful?
📌 A Built-In Routine Outside of the House – Something structured to avoid feeling trapped in a cycle of exhaustion.
📌 Regular Meet-Ups With Other Parents – To talk, vent, and feel like a person again.
📌 Childcare Options for Breaks – Even a few hours a week to recharge would have made a difference.
"If you leave your career, find a routine, a community, a way to see other adults—or you will go nuts."
Evelyn’s Advice: Full-Time Motherhood Is Not the Easy Route
✔ Don’t Assume Staying Home Will Fix Everything
"I thought quitting work would make things easier. It made things different—not necessarily better."
✔ Make Sure You Have a Support System in Place
"Being home all day with kids can be soul-sucking. Find people to connect with, or you’ll feel like a ghost of yourself."
✔ Give Yourself Permission to Struggle
"Just because you chose to stay home doesn’t mean you have to love every second of it."
✔ Find Something That’s Just for You
"Motherhood can swallow you whole. Make sure you have something that reminds you who you are outside of being a parent."
Evelyn’s Both& Moment: The Complexities of Full-Time Motherhood
Evelyn’s story shows that even when you choose something, it doesn’t mean it’s easy.
✔ She learned she could both want to be home with her kids and feel resentful of the loss of her career.
✔ She realized she could both be grateful for her husband’s support and struggle with being financially dependent.
✔ She found that full-time motherhood is both fulfilling in some ways and draining in others.
This isn’t about regretting her choice—it’s about acknowledging that it’s more complicated than she expected.
Why This Story Matters for Both&
- Challenges the Myth That Staying Home Is “Easier” – Leaving a job doesn’t erase stress—it just shifts it.
- Highlights the Emotional & Identity Struggles of Full-Time Motherhood – Moms need more support and honesty about these challenges.
- Encourages Women to Think Ahead Before Leaving Work – Community, structure, and support systems matter.
- Proves That It’s Okay to Have Conflicting Feelings – You can love your kids and still struggle with the reality of being home with them full-time.
